As I continue to take you down some rabbit holes re neurodiversity, I thought it might be helpful to pause and share what I’m even talking about. Before I say some things, I’m curious what naturally comes to mind when you read the word neurodiversity.
Is there a certain definition, person, or bias that pops into your mind?
Does it mean the same thing as neurodivergence to you?
Does it mean nothing to you?
This word didn’t mean much to me even just a couple of years ago. The more I learned about the term neurodivergence, the more this word, neurodiversity, held meaning for me.
Now, before I take you down a meandering stream of consciousness journey here, let me be clear: I’m writing this as my dinner heats up, sorting out thoughts that have been swimming in my brain today. I say that to say what I’m not doing — I’m not writing a methodically academic paper or presenting as a researcher. I’ll include sources below to dig into the clinical jargon and categories surrounding this conversation if that’s where you want to go. That to say — my intention here is not to give you a formal course in these categories or terms, but instead, to share how they’ve intersected with me professionally and personally, inviting you to get curious with me about some things…
So, neurodiversity, what am I even talking about?
When I say or write this word, most simply, I’m referring to the diversity in ways that our brains and bodies are wired, which is lived out in the diversity of ways that our brains and bodies most naturally navigate life and move us through our days. And again, as I’m now eating my dinner as I type, let me be clear, I’m not saying this is the correct way to use this word or the most clinically accurate way to use this word, I’m saying this is what I’m referring to when I use this word…
Rather than asserting a standard of what’s normal or typical, I love how this word invites us to zoom out and consider a larger picture — like a tapestry that has different colors, threads, and textures, a tapestry that is altogether one whole thing, not with a typical portion and atypical portions, but variance that’s woven together to create something unique, colorful, and beautiful.
You might have also noticed that I didn’t just say how our brains are wired, but our brains and bodies, which if you know me will be no surprise. Our brains are not disconnected from our bodies in the ways we often assume/act as if they are, and if you want to more fully know my thoughts on that you’ll get to read the full version in my book that will come into the world this September :)
Ok, back on track… so, neurodiversity, when we consider how this word invites us to see diversity in how we’re wired, rather than solely offering us categories of typical and atypical, we start to see things differently.
Rather than looking at someone without ADHD as typical and wondering why so many more people are getting diagnosed with ADHD, questioning if there’s something causing an increase in atypical brains and bodies, we can instead step back and see things differently: maybe there were always different flavors of what we call ADHD and non-ADHD brains and bodies, and maybe it’s unhelpful to view the absence of ADHD as typical. What does that even mean?
Rather than looking at someone as normal and another person as a bit off or out of the norm, maybe we position things differently in our perspective: maybe it’s way too easy for us to surround ourselves with the people we consider normal — oh and maybe there’s a lot of societal pressure to act a certain “normal” way and loads of people are dying inside as they try to mask each day to appear as normal as possible to maintain relationships, jobs, and general acceptance with the world around them.
Rather than thinking there’s something wrong with us or another person, maybe pausing to consider how we or they are wired helps us look at things from a different viewpoint: maybe without realizing it we’ve assumed that there’s one right way to think, and we assume other people should see things just as we do. And maybe we would be free of mountains and wells of frustration, confusion, and resentment if we created space for other people to be just that — other people, people who are wired differently than we are.
As you might be noticing, I’m not talking about neurodiversity in a limited scope, but instead, I’m talking about it the largest scope, one that creates space for what is typically termed typical and atypical (see what I did there? wasn’t even trying…!) along with the most general ways that we as people are uniquely wired. Caveat here — I’m not talking about us being snowflakes and trying to pat ourselves on the back for being unique (although I’m not opposed to such a stance), I’m talking about how down to our fingerprints and our DNA, we are simply different from each other, regardless of how much we share in common. And yes, I just did a Google search to confirm that’s true for identical twins along with the rest of the population…
This is why I think zoom out and getting curious about neurodiversity is so helpful — regardless of the ways that we might think neurodiversity does or does not intersect with our lives, if neurodiversity is about how our brains and bodies are wired, then it intersects with all of our lives if we have a brain and a body. So, to any bots out there, this is not for you. But for all the humans reading, none of us are excluded from this conversation.
So — what might this conversation have for us that we’ve not tapped into yet? How might slowing down to connect with what’s happening inside of me, and inside of others, contribute to anything meaningful, new, or beautiful?
Really, I think this is something we’ve already been doing, just under different names and with different perspectives. Whether we’ve gone down trails of the enneagram, Myers-Briggs, the Big Five, or the DISC, we’re trying to understand something of ourselves and others — we’re trying to understand the diversity in how we’re wired, how those differences and nuances meet each other, and how we might navigate life considering how we and others are wired, and how our uniqueness intersect…
And I don’t know about you, but for me, historically, things like personality tests were something I thought of as being separate from the body, really not even all that much connected with the brain, but instead, connected with this more elusive thing of the mind. But, again, our brains and bodies are not disconnected from each other, and whatever we think of the mind, that’s not disconnected from the rest of us either.
So — all of that to say… (!) — what might a deeply holistic curiosity about neurodiversity look like? One that is anchored in the reality that we are embodied—body, brain, heart, mind and more all wrapped up together in on person—a curiosity that opens space to consider if black-and-white categories of typical and atypical, or normal and weird/abnormal/wrong/fill-in-the-blank are simply unhelpful categories, categories that don’t actually reflect the reality of how we’re wired. And what might happen if we dipped our toe in the water that’s outside those rigid categories? What might happen if we explored how our brains and bodies most naturally navigate life, curiously considering if we move through life as we do because that’s our most authentic mode of being, or because that’s how we feel we should show up in the world? And if it’s the latter, what might it look like to play with that muscle memory, choosing whether or not we want to continue on as we have, or if we want to see what it might be like to live out of the innate wiring that’s down in our bones—to get in touch with our most innate wiring and muscle memory that connects the logic of our thinking brain to depths of our soul and emotions of our gut, along with our autonomic nervous system and all the other facets of who we are…
Alright, before that paragraph (or the sentences in it!) gets any longer, I’ll settle here for the night and summarize the heart of it here:
What might it look like to tap into and play with the muscle memory that moves us through life, choosing whether or not we want to be moved by it, or, if we want to see what it might be like to live out of the innate wiring that’s down in our bones—tapping into and relearning our most innate muscle memory that connects the logic of our thinking brain to depths of our soul and emotions of our gut, along with our autonomic nervous system and all the other facets of who we are…
And while I won’t leave you with a three step formula of how to do this, I will offer this: Maybe we simply start by slowing down, slowing down to get curious about what’s happening inside of us and what might be happening for others.
Sunset over St Andrews, Scotland
Books that have informed my thinking here… there are many more out there…
Divergent Mind by Jenara Nerenberg
The Myth of Normal & Scattered Minds by Gabor Mate
NeuroTribes by Steve Silberman *trigger warning, while this book is so well written and has information/history I think benefits us to be aware of, it was overwhelming painful to learn many details of how human beings have been horrifically mistreated and I was not prepared for that aspect of reading this book, so I want to offer that heads up here. That’s not to say don’t read it, but instead, to be gentle with yourself as you read it and be prepared to have some strong thoughts/feelings/reactions that might be stirred up as you read.
The Electricity of Every Living Thing by Katherine May
What Happened to You? by Bruce D. Perry & Oprah Winfrey
Personality and Wholeness in Therapy by Dan Siegel & the PDP Group *I’ve only started this and can’t speak to the whole thing, but as I’m currently reading this I know it’s starting to inform my thoughts here and seems helpfully thought provoking thus far…